Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Febreze Gives Men Away

A ton of marijuana was found in an East Laredo home, along with several men and cans of Febreze.  In the KGNS report, investigator Joe Baeza comments on the potency of the weed's odor.  And according to him, officers worked 40 hours straight to make the bust.  They probably acted on a hunch after seeing the alleged culprits buying the air freshener.

Now I'm not saying that men don't buy air freshener.  They do.  But it's a certain kind of man.  If you are going to buy it, wear something appropriate like a nicely starched oxford and shoes with tassles.  In that instance, the clerk isn't going to suspect a thing.  But if you go in there with a plain t-shirt with mustard stains and looking like you haven't showered in days, don't buy cans of Febreze.  It's a dead giveaway.  You might as well buy coasters and scented hand lotion.

I feel for these men, really I do.  If cans of Febreze were found at the scene, that means that they were laying it on thick.  I know too well the effects of Febreze -- not by choice, mind you.  A liberal spraying of the stuff has been known to send me into coughing fits; the watery eyes are an added bonus.  They were probably better off just dealing with the stong cannabis scent.  Cout it have been so oderiferous that they actually bathed themselves in Febreze?!!!  Perish the thought.

We'll never know exactly what happened in that empty house in East Laredo, but we can take comfort in the fact that Mother Nature won this battle.  Acapulco Gold was not going to be outdone by three bumbling jerks and an air freshener that's been a scourge on my sensitive sinuses for far too long.  Cheers, Mary Jane.  I salute thee. 

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